Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings – the adventure continues

Earthquakes in Vanuatu and armed security detail in Kabul not enough for you?  We pick up our global parenting story again with Julie & Sean, an Aussie couple taking a less conventional expat path around the world and doing it with a family.  

The first half of this story ended with Julie’s adventures working in post-war Afghanistan while her family were based in Dubai.  A new job offer in 2006 saw them move with their seven year old daughter Ali to Cairo, Egypt.

BG: After being separated for a couple of years, what were the big changes from a family perspective? How did you find living conditions in Cairo?

school egyptS: As soon as we knew we were moving to Cairo I started researching suburbs where other expats lived and there were good international schools to choose from.  Ali attended Mardi British International School; it is probably the best of all the international schools she has attended over the years.  The school really became a vital part of our expat life in Cairo, there was a real sense of community.

Cairo is a very logistically difficult city to live in because of the traffic so your social life revolved around the people you met at school.  People would hire the school halls for parties, Julie even appeared in the school pantomime! In terms of the people we met it was probably the best expat posting as we were a small community in a big city and we really relied on one another, a great sense of camaraderie.

BG: It sounds like a fabulous expat experience, but I am guessing there were still draw backs?

J: Unfortunately the job in comparison to Kabul was not as satisfying.  Egyptians are resilient people and advancing change was a real challenge. And the traffic, just dreadful!

S:  The cost of living was cheap, but shopping was a challenge of day to day life, it really was an all round unpleasant experience.  The minute you enter a shop people are all over you, or even just walking past they will grab your child into their shop to try and bring you in or stand in your way, they could get aggressive if you said ‘no’.  You could get good groceries and clothing, but things like toys were terribly limited – rip off brands or you could see boxes had been opened on the shelves!

luxorJ: We also still had concerns over healthcare. They may have had good, well trained doctors in Egypt but the hygiene conditions in clinics and hospitals were not up to the standards we were used to! My sister visited some of the hospitals as part of her work as a nurse and was shocked.  You certainly didn’t want to get seriously sick there – unfortunately Sean constantly had gastro.

S: Beggars were a problem too, they targeted you as they knew you would have money and would physically touch you.  It was an expat friendly city but we certainly stood out being white – people would remember who we were. There was no being an introvert in a place like this.

BG: So some good and some bad experiences – what eventually brought about your next move?

J: We weren’t intentionally looking to leave Cairo but a friend I had been working with had moved to Abu Dhabi in the UAEPrivate jet and came to me with an opportunity. I flew over for the interview and the difference on arriving was stark – it seemed beautiful, the roads were wide and uncongested (this was 2008!) and greenery everywhere. It was a modern city and Abu Dhabi was going through a boom period.  This unfortunately meant rents even from contract negotiation to moving in were going through the roof so not so much of the financial move that we expected but it was a very friendly environment, good offices, generous leave, good working hours.

Abu Dhabi lifeS: I stayed on a few months longer in Cairo so that Ali could finish the school year. In comparison to the preceding few years, we were able to have a very ‘normal’ family life in Abu Dhabi, but coming from previous expat postings, there was definitely less camaraderie.  You didn’t see other parents at the school pick up, only maids. Parenting in Abu Dhabi was much easier but in 2008 there was limited choices for where you could go out, only a few beach clubs and ‘western’ style restaurants and cafes existed.

BG: So with what sounds like an idyllic family situation in Abu Dhabi, how did you find yourselves in Washington DC?

J: This was very much a career driven move. I was head hunted by the IMF (International Monetary Fund) and it was an honour to be asked to join, but it did mean needing to relocate the family again half way around the world.  Career wise it was hugely rewarding, in fact some of my work is now part of published work such as the “Chart of Accounts Technical Manual” and a book “Public Financial Management and Its Emerging Architecture“. It was unfortunately, however, not the right move for our family.

BG: How did this moving around impact family life?

S: It was undeniably difficult. But you go into this sort of life understanding there will be challenges.

Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings - life in the USA wasn't so easy either for different reasons | Global Parenting | OurGlobetrotters.NetThe hardest move was from Abu Dhabi to Washington. Ali was at an age of forming strong friendships and we knew she didn’t want to leave this time.  In some respects I think she was pleased to be moving to a country where she didn’t stand out so much, but she was used to being around quite worldly kids.  She did her best to fit in with new friends in America, but it was challenging –a lot of people in America have barely left their county, let alone their state or the country.

From an expats experience it was incredibly difficult.  Even though we could live a ‘normal life’, you live in a vacuum.  You wouldn’t know a world outside of the US exists.   People were very polite but no extra effort was made to be inclusive.  We had thought it would be much friendlier and deliberately moved to a tree-lined suburban neighbourhood, but people really kept to themselves. Most people had two working parents and were just busy with their everyday lives, no one really understood that we were outsiders there and we never really got invited to any social occasions.

Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings - life in the USA wasn't so easy either for different reasons | Global Parenting | OurGlobetrotters.NetJ: It was an unusually environment at work too, very male dominated.  The women that were there were single or didn’t have children so I found it difficult to relate to people or find friendships.  Christmas that year was particularly depressing, we were all on our own just the three of us and we really felt the distance from family and friends. We had a very large time difference back to Australia, essentially a whole day behind which made Skyping and calling difficult. We also missed Lucas a great deal. Lucas and his wife were having their first baby so we felt very isolated from them – it was a difficult time.

BG: So not living the American dream?

J: We made a very difficult decision to move on again before the year was out; we had come to think of Abu Dhabi as our home and wanted to move back.  I wasn’t able to get a job in Abu Dhabi immediately as by this point the global financial crisis had hit the Middle East, but I went back to my old employer who had since been bought out by Deloitte LLC and they were brilliant about the situation and I was made an offer to work in Juba, South Sudan (as it is now).Equitorial Guinea

The offer to head a team in South Sudan was exciting  and Sean and Ali wanted to return to Abu Dhabi so I had to suck it up and accept that this was all that was available and split the family up yet again.  Sean and Ali could base themselves in Abu Dhabi and recommence schooling at International School while I continued to look for a job.  My employers could not have done more for us, they helped us with the paper work around this and I was able to come home whenever I needed.

sudan colleaguesJobs back in Abu Dhabi  – in fact anywhere in the world in my field – were just not forth coming.  What we thought would be a few months to tide us over in fact took a few years before I finally secured a full-time role back in Abu Dhabi in 2014. However, in the end, the job with Deloitte in South Sudan was one of the most enjoyable and rewarding times of my career. I now work away from home three nights a week but this is a much better situation than the long distance commute.

BG: Was moving the family to Juba with you ever an option?

J: It was most definitely not a family posting. A very limited number of expats did have family members with them but it was completely different to anywhere I’d been before. It was dusty, smelly, no international schools, most roads weren’t even surfaced.  There was very limited infrastructure.  If I compared it back to Kabul, at least you could see that a functioning city lay beneath the fighting, the same can’t be said in Juba.

sudan workEven if Sean and Ali had come to visit, there was nothing for them to do.  You could make it sound romantic “eating dinner on the edge of the Nile” but the reality was something different; the river was dirty and from time to time an animal  carcass would float by and the river was used by the locals to bathe – right next to where we ate – made for an interesting view!   Instead I would fly home every 4-6 weeks, I didn’t feel as badly separated this time, and we continued to touch base every day.

christmasI had no problem being a white women working there but the work was incredibly challenging. The country was only in its infancy and a lot of corruption exists.  During the posting civil war broke out and the Western members of our team had to be evacuated.  On the plus side I got to be back home with the family, but the projects we were working on hung in limbo and some of our South Sudanese collages were very sadly killed.

BG: You are finally all living back in one city once more, would you say family life is ‘normal’ now?

Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings | OurGlobetrotters.NetS: When we told Ali we had to leave Washington DC just after making new friendships she was incredibly upset as the US was really supposed to be a semi-permanent move.  Time has moved on now though and she really has been great about it.  We would like to stay put now until Ali finishes school in three years time.

Parenting is really an entirely different story now that Ali is a teenager.  We live in a community now where Ali is among her friends and spends most of her time with them, I don’t even need to drive her around anymore as we live quite centrally and the kids can walk everywhere.  I feel Abu Dhabi is a very safe city for teenagers, and there are a great bunch of kids that she hangs out with.  I don’t think we face some of the same teenage issues that parents at home might do – strict rules about sex, drugs and alcohol help!

Social media also means she can remain well connected with the friends she has met over the years. She keeps finding friends where their lives have crossed before and they find each other in later years, there’s a big cross over in the global expat community over the years. She has been happy to be a third culture kid but still identifies herself as being Australian, despite having lived so much of her life overseas.  Maybe she will get the travel bug again later in her life but her plan at this stage is to go back to university in Australia.

BG: What was your greatest safety concern living in countries perceived as very dangerous and on the warning list for most international governments?

J: To put it in perspective, during my time in Afghanistan I was given R&R leave and an airfare to go spend some time in London with Sean.  We were booked to stay at a hotel in Tavistock Square. We were unable to get to our hotel, however, as a bus had been bombed that morning – 7 July 2005.

S: After we were evacuated from the earthquake in Vanuatu, I took Ali and Lucas back to Australia with me.  To get home from Sydney airport to Canberra we had to contend with massive bush fires that were covering much of New South Wales.

Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings - flying to Jonglei State | Global Parenting | OurGlobetrotters.Net
Flight to Jonglei State, South Sudan

J: In Juba, my team were evacuated by charter cargo plane at the outbreak of civil war. While myself and my colleagues were able to continue working remotely on the project, the South Sudanese citizens on the project were struggling for their lives. In fact, some of them were murdered by militias due to their ethnicity.

S: It really puts the importance of day-to-day work and family problems into proper perspective. Makes you think about what and where is risky and what isn’t.

BG: Your story is quite an extreme take on expat adventure. What were the biggest challenges you faced, other than separation from one another?

J:  Being separated is of course the hardest part, especially when you are separated by multiple time zones it makes communications difficult and adds distance.  But otherwise my low-lights included getting Malaria five times in Juba, it was just horrible.  At least after the first time you knew what the signs were and you could get treated but you felt like you were dying.  Being evacuated from the Ministry of Finance in Afghanistan was also a low-light.

S: At the end of the day, you really do put the bad experiences behind you and I am only left with good memories of our time.

BG: What advice could you give to other families looking at hardship postings?

Expat Parenting in Hardship Postings | Building an orphanage in Juba | Global Parenting| OurGlobetrotters.Net
Deloitte team helping to build an orphanage in Juba

J: Be careful which employer you move with. My time with Bearing Point in Afghanistan and Egypt, and especially Deloitte in Juba was excellent as they took good care of us, understood my family commitments and had good systems in place. They would include everything from helping with paperwork to providing housing and transportation; some people in hardship postings are far less fortunate.

S: Having a strong relationship is essential.  It was a wrench to see her go every time but our relationship was strong, you unfortunately see a lot of broken relationships either before or during these postings. You really need strong family support and mental stability, a positive mind set. If you can’t cope with stress or uncertainty it’s probably not for you.  It’s easy in difficult times to feel sorry for yourself and whine a lot.

BG: And if you had your time again, would you choose the path you have?

J: Its great to have not just visited these countries but actually live in them.  The work I do feels really rewarding – we are working with countries to put in place a good public financial management framework which assists with creating a good economy, which gives a  good environment for people to live in – it makes the work you do and effort you put in feel worthwhile.

S: It’s been a fascinating experience.   I think it makes you better as individuals and better as a family, but understandably it’s not for everyone. It was a very rich experience, great memories.  The horrible memories do fade fast and you are only left with the good ones. We never had a plan in the first place but I would definitely do it all over again, we’ve had a wonderful life.

Sean & Julie

A huge thank you to Julie and Sean for allowing Our Globetrotters to share their epic expat adventure, I look forward to seeing where they head to next, I find it hard to believe it will finish here!

Have you had a situation where your family has had to separate for work while still living the expat life? Or taken the bold move to bring your family on a hardship posting with you?

Did you miss Part 1?  Catch up on the full story here.

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Interview with serial expats Sean & Julie who talk us through postings from Vanuatu to Kabul, Cairo to Juba with stops in the US and UAE in between. Hardship postings bring up additional parenting challenges but we talk through the positives and advice for tackling these difficulties | Expat Parenting | OurGlobetrotters.Net

Future contributors to Global Parenting are always welcome. Please email [email protected] if you would like to be featured.

Have you read Clara’s adventure in Islamabad, or Catherine’s pregnancy story in Romania?

© OurGlobetrotters.Net

Photos courtesy of Sean & Julie

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